Skip that diet, and don’t waste time making your bed. If I had it my way, this is what I would say to everyone. . .
1. Answer Your Damn Phone
(Or don’t get mad when people don’t text you back)
2. Stop Refreshing Facebook
(Or at least stalking your ex)
3. Spoil Your Pets
(Or at least take them to a dog park)
They dedicate their lives to watching you poop and yell at your kids. I’m sure they appreciate when they’re the center of attention, not you and your manic breakdowns.
4. Say Please and Thank You to Your Kids
(Or don’t expect them to learn manners)
Why don’t more parents do this one? I’m not sure but I’ve gotten into a habit of thanking my son for letting me bathe him and change his diaper. He still says no when I ask him for hugs, but hey at least I respect him enough to ask!
5. Pay for a stranger’s meal
(Or at least give that homeless man a dollar)
You spent $87 on Amazon last Saturday night after a bad day. And let’s not talk about the things in your cart that you didn’t need.
6. Walk at normal speed in stores
(Or at least pay attention to where you’re going)
If you can text and walk, you deserve a gold medal. But until then, please keep steady speeds at the mall and don’t abruptly stop when there’s at least 10 people behind you who can’t pass you without being rude.
7. Watch More Netflix
(Or find a show that makes you laugh)
This. It’s a great idea for a cheap date with your husband. Find a movie or good tv show that you can watch together after the kids are in bed. Single? Then you’ll enjoy this one even more because you don’t have to worry about anyone else judging you for rewatching Clueless or Gilmore Girls for the seventh time this year.
8. Go to the Gym
(Or exercise at home with heavy grocery bags)
I do squats while watching my kid in the tub, arm weights before bed, and walks during the work day. Any little thing counts, especially if you’re ready not to graduate to a gym membership that you really can’t afford or don’t have time to drive anywhere.
9. Complain Less
(Or stop gossiping at least)
I think we all get the point here. Be more grateful and cheery. It’s more for your sanity than those around you. The less time you spend being angry, the more time you have to do something else (or think about something else, like a new recipe to get your toddler to try or a new way to reply to your mom’s rude comments).
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